I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
