I wanna passion pit in your ass
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
