i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
