you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
