i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
