I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
