can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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