i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize