I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
