I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
