what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
