Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
