Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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