she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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