it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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