You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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