he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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