It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize