Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
