Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
