Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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