Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
