Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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