Got a toothbrush?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
