I am spending my child support on dildos
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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