I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
