no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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