I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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