Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
