You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize