i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
