While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
