Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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