just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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