I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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