You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize