i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i drank out of a bidet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
