today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
