Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
