Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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