So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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