Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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