His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
