I wish you could order shots online.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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