marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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