Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
