does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
PANTIES FOUND
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