Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
