the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
