The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
