I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
