if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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