There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
