Barsexuality is the new black.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize