Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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