I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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