New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
