this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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