party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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