There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
