I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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