the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
