OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize